When the Princess Is Ready, the Prince Will Appear
- Wednesday, June 07, 2006
It surprises me how many women have attitudes of discouragement and pessimism.
You must believe that you can find a good man, that you deserve a good man, and that you can attract a good man. You must make yourself available and take the risks necessary to attract your prince. If you are not at that point yet, don’t despair. You simply have some work to do.
Preparing Your Expectations. Unlike Cinderella, you have no magic wand. Your preparation must interact with God’s timing. That means you must guard your expectations about timing. It may take time, and testing, before you are ready for your prince.
It is important to expect a man who will work on the relationship with you, who will strive to deepen his emotional and spiritual life, and who will commit himself to you completely and faithfully. Too many women settle for too little from their men. Consider raising the bar. Settle for nothing less than a relationship filled with zest, emotional warmth, spiritual integrity, and, yes, commitment.
Preparing Your Presentation. A princess is not overly demanding, arrogant, or critical. She is elegant and classy. She has a way of insisting on what she needs and being clear when expressing her needs and desires.
Katherine, a client of mine, is a woman in her 50s. She has an air of confidence and a bold, spiritual depth. Previously married, Katherine has grappled with painful aspects of her divorce. She suffered as people within the church said hurtful things about her. But she always carried herself with dignity. She survived the divorce and gradually moved into dating.
Katherine shares about her experience.
“After my divorce I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. I was bitter, angry. I had lots of resentment toward my ex and toward men. Even after I started dating, I didn’t put my best foot forward, and attracted the wrong kind of men. It took me really forgiving myself for the failed marriage and allowing God to heal my hurt. I changed my attitude and my wardrobe, and that’s when miracles started to happen.”
Katherine married recently, having met a minister who had been widowed several years earlier. Today they enjoy a vibrant and dynamic ministry.
Preparing Your Vision. After you’ve prepared your attitude, clarified your expectations and honed your presentation, you’ll need a firm vision. A firm vision is a picture you carry in your mind of your prince.
A client named Joan shares her vision. “I want a Christian man who is loving, tender and kind. He needs to be athletic, love children and be interested in travel. He needs to be compassionate and have a heart for the hurting and less fortunate in the world.”
Studies show that the more clearly and precisely you describe your vision, the more likely you are to achieve it. Envision the kind of man you want. Prayerfully share with the Lord the dreams you have and let Him help you with the rest.
Preparing Your Heart. Having prepared your attitude, expectations, presentation and vision, you must make sure your heart is right. The scriptures encourage us to “Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4: 23). This is a huge challenge, for it seems we either allow our hearts to be battered and bruised, lock them in a vault, safe and secure from any possible intruder.
The task is to take healthy, discerning risks. If you have learned from experience, made corrections to your attitude, spent time in the Word, listened to God’s voice through the counsel of healthy friends – you can take calculated risks in your dating life.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).
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