When You're the Brokenhearted
- Friday, April 11, 2003
It's one of the saddest things we hear in our relationship counseling, and we've come to believe a lot of this self-blame is the result of self-help formulas that tell us we must be stupid to have chosen a person who later does us wrong. Yes, you do have to take a hard look at your own behavior if you always make bad relationship choices, but why punish yourself because you fell in love? Self-blame will do nothing to help you learn from mistakes and become a better person.
People who have been burned take the blame too often. They feel guilty for failing at "yet another" relationship. Eventually, they end up converting their guilt into an unhealthy compulsion: overeating, abusing drugs or alcohol, sexual trysts with near strangers, and avoidance of intimacy altogether. Don't get caught in the guilt trap. Truth is, you aren't so powerful that you can cause someone else's behavior. You can play a part in it, but you can't cause it. You are not to blame.
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