I graduated from high school as a feminist. If you had asked me if I was a feminist, I would have denied it. I did not hate men or think that men and women were equal in every way; after all, we all have our strengths and weaknesses. But I did not have any idea of the roles God ordained for men and women. I wanted a career more than almost anything else in life, and I was taught that this was what I should work toward in school. I wanted to be a successful businesswoman in some field. I longed to leave home every day, wear pretty suits, and make lots of money.

I looked down on those who invested their lives in running a home and raising a family. When I was still a student, my sister got married, and some talented homemakers hosted a very lovely bridal tea for her. I remember sneering inside that those women did not have anything more important to do than make chocolate-covered cherries. Needless to say, I did not spend much time learning the skills I would need to run a home. I was too busy pursuing career skills the world told me were more valuable.

Even though I had read and studied Bible passages like Proverbs 31 and Titus 2:4-5, I inwardly interpreted them through such a thick screen of cultural thought that the truth of what God was really saying did not dawn on me for a long time. I did not know that God created a woman to find her calling and fulfillment through her home (Titus 2:5). I knew nothing about being a helpmeet to my husband (Genesis 2:18), and in my early years of marriage I often thought he was supposed to be a helpmeet to me. Thankfully, I knew that if I was going to have children, I needed to raise them, and this meant staying home with them. But I have a journal full of my distress over giving up my career. I poured out my heart to God on how difficult it was to lay aside all the praise of men I had received and the fulfillment I felt through my work. God is very compassionate, and once I laid my career on His altar, He has helped me find wonderful joy and riches in my calling as a helpmeet, mommy, and homeschooler. But it was a very painful process, and I wasted many years of my life chasing vain things the world calls important because I was taught to do this every day, year after year in school.

Parallel to my desire for a career outside my home, I also had no desire for children. I was not against having children; I was just very ambivalent about being a parent. I felt that children interrupted many things I thought were important. Kids not only made the pursuit of a career difficult, they also made travel and worldly experiences more challenging. I was not completely selfish in my desire not to have kids—I knew it would be more difficult to serve the Lord in the church if I was "stuck" at home raising babies. I did not realize what Psalm 127:3 meant when it says, "Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward." Thankfully, in this area too, God has reeducated me to show me that children are extremely important to His kingdom. I could have no greater ministry than to raise my kids to know, love, and serve God. I now have four children, and I am so grateful that God got through to me before my fertile years were completely wasted.