These birds serve as a graphic illustration of how our parenting can be. I don’t want to be the eagle, throwing the eaglet from the nest when I think the time is right. Like the mourning dove, I want to guide my children to increasing independence so that one day I can wait in the nest as they make that first solo flight, and I will know that they are prepared for it and will do it well.

A great deal is currently being said against overprotective parenting. People say to let kids go, remove the boundaries, allow them to take risks. A member of our local homeschooling group forwarded on an article regarding this topic. The author told how she had allowed her 9-year-old son to ride the New York City subway and bus alone. She took him into town, gave him some maps and money, and went home to wait for him. I am truly glad that her 9-year-old made it home safe and whole. I also think that her action was a bit like throwing the eaglet from the nest. 

This article struck a chord in our group, and extended discussion ensued. I started pondering the subject of how closely our children should be guarded. We can have such fear of our children coming to harm that often we do not give them the opportunity for independence. We need to provide our children with these opportunities; we need to prepare our children for them as well.

I hate to say it, but I think that most kids have inherently poor judgment. My boys get stuck in trees on a semi-regular basis. Just this evening, my 5-year-old handcuffed his feet together and had no idea where the handcuff key might be. Good judgment is not inborn; it must be modeled and taught.

Children are also very trusting. I remember when, as a child, a man tried to get me into his car. I walked right up to him to try to hear what he was saying. I knew all about strangers, but when actually faced with a true predator, I thought he was just a guy in need of directions. 

It can be so hard to teach our children of the dangers in the world. We want to protect their innocence and preserve their trust. We need to be sure they know that most people are good, but because a few are not, they must be careful.

It is more than possible to give your kids freedom without leaving them alone in New York. Like the mourning dove, start small and build up; guide them to that independence. I’ll be the first to admit: the eagle’s way is easier. Guiding children to independence requires much thought and effort. You need to plan for the independence. You have to model decision making. You think aloud so that your children can follow your reasoning. Whenever possible, you give them many real choices that grow in importance as they mature.

My friend Linda said it well: “In order for them to develop and learn good judgment, we need to give them opportunities to make decisions—when the impact of a bad decision isn’t great.” So start by letting them help you with something, then try letting them do it on their own while you are nearby. Finally, allow them to do it without you.