For example: My children love to ride their bikes. I am not an eagle; I did not send them outside one afternoon with their bikes and then go back inside to take a nap while they figured out biking. Rather, I taught them to ride a two-wheeler, first on a grassy hill, then on pavement. I taught them basic bike safety and provided them with helmets. Next, I rode alongside them. I taught them the boundaries. Now I allow them to bike in our neighborhood without me, taking along a walkie-talkie so they can reach me if need be.

This method of training is not foolproof, of course. I model cooking for my children, then let them make the item with my help, and finally let them try it solo. My 9- and 8-year-olds both burned their fingers on their first solo attempts at baking unassisted. They also forgot to grease the pan and fed the family somewhat raw cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Their immense pride at providing us with breakfast far outweighed these little setbacks.

I would rather eat the occasional raw pastry, patch skinned knees, or climb a tree to rescue someone than stifle my children needlessly. We as homeschoolers have so much opportunity to give our children freedoms that other kids might not have. We don’t need to structure every moment of their days, from putting them on a bus at 7:30 in the morning to finishing their homework at 9:00 p.m., just in time for a good-night kiss. Whenever possible, become a “yes girl.” “Yes, you can build your own fire pit in the backyard.” “Yes, you can cook those carrots and grapes on a fork over the campfire.” “Yes, you can keep a container of worms in the refrigerator.” That way, when you need to say “No, you cannot ride the New York subway alone,” your child does not feel stifled; he feels protected.

When determining where to start in teaching independence, consider where your children are and where they would like to be (or where you would like them to be). Every child has a different desire for independence. It could be staying home alone, starting the fire in the fireplace, babysitting, or sleeping out in a tent. Some things children simply will not be able to do, but select the ones they can and work toward them. By building up with small freedoms, we can be sure that our children’s judgment and responsibility are developing so that someday they will be able to take a New York Subway, and we won’t have to worry. 

Published on June 15, 2009.

Rachael Varblow and her husband, Matt, have homeschooled their children since 2003. They have three lively boys (Sean, 10, James, 8, and Joseph, 6), as well as a baby girl, Katherine, to keep life busy and exciting, besides offering inspiration for most of Rachael’s writing. When she has a spare minute, Rachael enjoys sewing, working in the garden, and writing.

Originally published in the May/Jun ’09 issue of Home School Enrichment Magazine.