Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David will address two questions from Crosswalk readers in each weekly column. Submit your question to him at TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com

Dear Dr. David,

I found your column as I was reading on Crosswalk. I was reading Paper Fences: The Boundaries We Fail to Set in Marriage. I am always looking for ways for God to show me how to be a better wife, mother and child of God. I especially liked you column and writing!  I am in a second marriage.  My husband and I are most grateful for God's mercy and forgiveness and pray daily for his guidance in our lives. 

We are having some problems dealing with our children.  We have been to counseling, but I am not feeling good about the advice we are getting regarding issues with his children.  The counselor’s advice is for me to stay out of any issues concerning my husband’s children.  He admits I more than likely can see things in a different perspective from him, but I am to not offer any "advice".  

I find it hard to act like nothing is wrong when I see his daughter acts like being "broke" and out of work is something of which she can boast.  Although she now has work, I fear it will be short term (this seems to be her pattern).  There are issues with all children from time to time, but it is so hard when couples have adult children who have so many issues.  There is a plethora of material of younger stepchildren living in the home but I have been unsuccessful in my search for literature on adult children and second marriages. ~ Challenged

Dear Challenged,

Thank you for your courage and honesty in sharing your struggles with blending families. I applaud you for seeking God’s wisdom in these matters. You are also right about the lack of material available concerning adult children and second marriages. However, I suspect much of what applies to younger children also applies to adult children. Let’s consider some of the issues.

First, there are unique challenges to step-parenting. You and your husband have already acknowledged a need for counseling, which speaks highly of you. You recognize that there are unique challenges, and are seeking counsel and insight. Solomon, in the book of Proverbs, tells us that if we seek wisdom, as for gold and silver, we will surely find it. (Proverbs 2: 4)