Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David will address two questions from Crosswalk readers in each weekly column. Submit your question to him at TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

Dear Dr. David,

I'm 28 years old and my wife is 29. We've been dating for 11 years and been married less than 5 months. Our relation seems to have gotten very bad since we tied the knot. We argue almost once or twice a week. I've always been a very loving person to her and her only. I still show a lot of emotions towards her, not just to keep her comfortable, but because I love her deeply. I feel she doesn't show me the same in return. She's always making remarks that hurt, and makes me feel very unwanted at times.

My wife says I should know that she loves me, and shouldn’t have to show it.  She doesn’t understand that my insecurities come from her lack of emotion towards me. She tells me she loves me and wants to be with me when we have heart to heart talks, but later acts as if I'm not special in her life. I'm willing to try anything to make this marriage work. I know I can't change her, but I hope the Lord can and will. Please, if you could give me any advice I will gladly honor it. ~ Insecure

Dear Insecure,

It is interesting that your relationship has worsened since getting married. Preparing for marriage, and then getting married, can be very stressful. While we eagerly anticipate the wedding process, it can be especially taxing on the woman, who is often in charge of preparing for it. Is it possible that your wife has been stressed out from marriage preparation? If so, things should return to normal after the stress subsides.

You then say that your wife makes comments that hurt. I don’t need to tell you that these comments, made over time, tear at the fabric of a marriage. They cause wounds to our self-esteem. Hurtful comments are, in fact, a form of abuse and cannot exist in the healthy marriage.

I am also concerned to hear that your wife feels she shouldn’t have to show her love to you anymore. This is faulty thinking. There is no time when we should discontinue our loving actions toward our mate. There is no time when a partner should slip into taking love for granted. While marriage is a strong covenant made between two people and God, it can also be very fragile and susceptible to harm if not tended to carefully.

The Apostle Paul speaks to this issue at length. Perhaps you’re familiar with the passage (Ephesians 5: 22-33) where we are instructed to submit to one another out of love. Paul goes so far as to compare our love for one another to the feeding and care of our own bodies—loving our mate is that important. He adds, “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5: 33)