Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David will address two questions from Crosswalk readers in each weekly column. Submit your question to him at TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

Dear Dr. David,

Thanks for your article. My marriage is heading for divorce, and actually will be completed at the end of this month.  I've sought counseling and direction from people other than my friends. Unfortunately, I feel my situation is atypical, therefore anytime I read articles about marriage and reconciliation, my marriage remains the exception in my mind, and the advice passes over me. 

My wife suffers from Clinical Depression and Borderline Personality Disorder.  She refuses treatment or even acknowledging needing treatment. She's had years of therapy, prescribed medication, of which she will not take, and continual patterns of violence and deception.  Because she refuses treatment, and we have a child, I thought it best to separate and ultimately divorce after separation spiraled downward.

Because our marriage is no longer about who hurt who, or said what, but rather safety issues, both legal and physical, I have not reconciled.  I know God acts with grace, but I am not guaranteed she will get help.  We've been separated two years, so I think it almost better to depart and remain on a path of divorce. ~ Heading for Divorce

Dear Friend,

I appreciate the candor in your story. It reminds me that while I wish and pray every marriage could be saved, I know that is not the truth of the matter. Your story is a tragic reminder of the fallen world we live in.

There are several things for you to consider.

First, we cannot control the actions of others. It seems we need to hear this again and again. As much as we wish our mate would grow up, get the help they desperately need, and make critically important changes, this will not always occur.

Second, we can control our actions. You are responsible for you. The way you take care of yourself in this situation, is likely the way you care for others as well. You describe a “crazy-making” relationship where your wife refuses treatment or medications, and “continual patterns of violence and deception.” No relationship can grow under those conditions.

Third, boundaries must be set for your safety, as well as the safety of your child. It is not reasonable, or healthy, to subject you or your child to this kind of dysfunctionality.