Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David will address two questions from Crosswalk readers in each weekly column. Submit your question to him at TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

Dear Dr. David:

When I married my husband I was saved but in somewhat of a back-slidden way and he wasn't saved.  I re-dedicated my life to the Lord after a year of marriage but he never came to the Lord.  We have been married for thirteen years. 

Three years ago he had an affair and I found out about it.  I forgave him and the marriage went on.  Now I want out.  He does not communicate with me.  He does not provide financially.  He goes in and out of work constantly.  He doesn't feel he needs to give me money to provide for the kids because we live with my parents now.  He won't go to counseling.  I just don't know what to do.  I read one of your articles and I know that I could benefit from counseling because there is resentment.  I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life with him.  We have five children together.  I am so unhappy.  I need HELP! --Miserable in Marriage

Dear Miserable:

Your brief note indicates that you are in a troubled marriage—in some senses, no marriage at all. You have the form of marriage, but not the soul and Godly function of marriage.

God ordained marriage and deemed it not good for us to be alone. (Genesis 2: 18) However, He never condones or encourages abuse in marriage. His heart is evident when He said of the husband/ wife union, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” (2: 23) God meant for there to be a union with man and wife like none other, a place of safety and stability for us to face life’s challenges. Love is to be the hallmark of marriage.

You are in a difficult position because you indicate that your husband never came to the Lord – this means he does not see marriage in the same light as you do, as a divine calling. As one who does not know the Lord, your husband will naturally approach every aspect of life differently and no doubt this brings a unique twist to the issues you face in your marriage.

Your husband, however, still has a responsibility to be your protector and your confidant. Whether he fully understands it or not, God has designated the husband to be the spiritual leader and to love you “as Christ loved the church.” (Ephesians 5: 24-27) He is shirking even his most basic responsibilities of providing and caring for you and your family -- thus you find yourself in a crisis. While we cannot force your husband to change, there are several possible courses of action.

One, pray for God’s wisdom in how to confront him about these problems. Approach is everything. Hopefully you are confronting him in a firm yet loving manner. Choose a time when you have his attention, and then approach him with compassion, conviction, concisely and with consequences. You must let him know that you cannot continue to live in a loveless, lifeless marriage. God never intended this for your marriage. (See my book Saying It So He’ll Listen for more on this process.)