Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David will address two questions from Crosswalk readers in each weekly column. Submit your question to him at TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

Dear Dr. David,

My husband and I are separated, but not divorced yet.  Much water has passed under the bridge between the two of us.  I originally asked him to leave and thought I wanted a divorce, but have since realized how stupid I was and how much I love him and want to make things work.  In the very beginning he wanted to stay together and go to counseling.  He has since decided he doesn't love me anymore and wants to divorce.  I have apologized for my part in all this and admitted to being too quick to decide to split up and asked if he would come back home and us go to counseling.  He said ‘no.’ Yet, he still calls from time to time and will ask me to go out with him, which I do.

When we’re together I find myself saying nothing. This is so confusing and hard.  I guess my question is ‘What do I do from here?’  It is so hard to act like nothing is wrong and we are kind of dating and that's all, while we are really married and on the verge of divorce.  I can see where it doesn't bother him if he doesn't have feelings for me anymore.....but makes it really hard on me.  But, I keep thinking maybe he does, just doesn't want to admit it? Why else would he still be calling and wanting to spend weekends together? HELP......I have no idea what to do.  I just know I can't keep on like this in limbo world.  It is exhausting.  ~ Living In Limbo

Dear Limbo,

I can see why you feel like you’re living in limbo—because you are. The key is to ‘get out of limbo,’ and it looks like you’re going to have to be the one to initiate that.

Let’s look at how you keep yourself in limbo.

First, stop beating yourself up for decisions made in the past. You’ve apologized for your actions and now you need to move on. You made the best decision you knew to make at the time, probably for very good reasons. Yet, in hindsight, you regret your choices. You are keep yourself in limbo by not forgiving yourself.

Second, have a ‘Determine The Relationship’ talk. Any of us would be confused by someone who said he didn’t love you, wanted a divorce, but still wanted to date and spend weekends with you. You need to have a frank discussion with him—“either work on the marriage or stop coming around.” His messages are not only confusing, but insensitive. It is quite possible that he is using you for his own emotional or physical gain, without considering how it’s impacting you. You keep yourself in limbo by accepting any or all of his confusing messages.