Suggested helps for loving deeper: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman; Sheet Music by Kevin Leman

Speaking Sweeter

"If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal…" (1 Corinthians 13:1)

This is where I have a problem, being gruff by nature. I’m pleasant enough to co-workers and strangers. I've even earned the nickname "Small-Talk McEvoy" from one of my buddies, but for some reason, those I love the most are blessed with a symphony of grunts, groans, and snippy comments.

Not only is that gruff nature part of the "former self" that Ephesians 4:22-27 says has been laid aside in favor of righteousness and speaking truth, but I recall that it did not dare rear its head during our dating days. That’s not just because I was trying to sell this woman on my finer qualities, but because I truly felt the love and respect for her that I was dishing out. I therefore gave no place to impatient, intellectually-superior speech.

In the words of James, there were, when I was dating Valerie, precious few times when the same fountain sent out both fresh and bitter water. But gradually, as I failed to guard my tongue (James 3:6-8), I lazily allowed that small amount of bitterness to befoul the whole cistern. I don’t want to give the impression that I stalk the grounds of my house grumpy and cursing when I’m actually a pretty decent husband and father, but this is where I need the most improvement in my relationships, and I know it. Harkening back to the days when I wrote poetry, quoted scripture, wooed from afar, and encouraged about the future has helped me to remember the importance of bridling my tongue. James says horses and great ships are steered by very small bits and rudders. Likewise, the direction of my marriage may be steered by brushing up on the language I spoke when dating.

Suggested helps for speaking sweeter: Soul Talk: The Language God Longs for Us to Speak, by Larry Crabb; Love Talk, by Les & Leslie Parrott