I meet with couples and families in crisis every week. Do you know what one of the most common similarities is between them? You might be thinking poor communication, money issues, an affair, but you’d be wrong. What I’ve started to discover, and researchers much more smarter than I am already know, is that these couples – for a multitude of reasons – have stopped having fun together.

I guess it makes sense when you think about it for a minute. If a family or couple is in distress, they argue and squabble over everything and feelings are treated like yesterday’s garbage. Who wants to have fun when there is so much pain?

One of the most important things you will ever do as a couple and family is have fun together. Ecclesiastes 8:15 reads, “So, I’m all for just going ahead and having a good time - the best possible. The only earthly good men and women can look forward to is to eat and drink well and have a good time - compensation for the struggle for survival these few years God gives us on earth. (MSG)” Dr. John Gottman tells us that couples who stay together for the long haul, and who are satisfied, have a 5 to 1 positive experience to every negative experience in their marriage.

The simple reality is this, if you stop having fun together you will stop wanting to be together.

The problem is that many people dictate their ability to have fun with someone based on their feelings. This is a major mistake and one which can eventually lead to divorce. We can not let our lives be dictated by our emotions. Emotions are wonderful but they are chaotic, one day up and the next day down.

American’s have been duped into thinking we are unable to choose our emotions. We can choose our mate, choose our school, and even choose our destiny. But when it comes to our emotions, we are simply victims and we allow our emotions to defeat our relationships. Isaiah 40:30-31 tells us, “For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, they run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind.”

We can soar like eagles when we depend on God for the strength to do it.

The next time you are on a vacation or a date, and your mate (or child) does something to hurt your feelings, what are you going to do? This is an inevitable part of any relationship. The question is, what are we going to do when our feelings get hurt during fun time? Are we going to sulk, get angry, fight for our honor?

Matthew 5:43-46 gives us a great plan of action, “You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best - the sun to warm and the rain to nourish - to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that.”