Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David will address questions from Crosswalk readers in each weekly column. Submit your question to him at TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

Dear Dr. David,

I was married recently and within a short time my husband was physically violent with me during an argument. I immediately left our home. I told him I was leaving and he was trying to keep me from leaving and he grabbed my arms and left bruises on them. I was very freaked out so I went to some family's house and stayed for several days. I felt like I just needed a little bit to regroup. After I went back home things were very awkward between us. We tried to talk, but would just end up arguing. I started sleeping in the guest bedroom...and I certainly didn't want to be physical with him. I was angry and hurt over what happened. And I felt like he wasn't truly sorry and didn't realize the significance of what happened.

I went to a counselor a couple times and asked him to go. He refused. So I filed for a divorce and it wasn't until after the fact that I found out that he had gone to see the counselor. Since then, he has gotten two of his friends to move in with him to our apartment. Besides the last few harsh words we said to one another, we haven't really communicated in several months.

But God has been dealing with me very strongly about this. I want to make my marriage work. I want to do everything possible to get back with him. But it's very difficult to communicate with him since we are separated and because he always has his friends with him. I've tried to contact him twice, once through a phone call and once through an email. He hasn’t responded to either. But I have just begun to pray and ask for restoration and for the Lord to begin to convict him. (Keep in mind that he has refused to sign the divorce papers so we are still married) I'm asking that he will be grieved over our marriage and I've asked my closest friends to begin to diligently pray for the same thing.

I'm wondering if there is anything else I can do? Should I keep trying to contact him? Should I be patient and give him some time? I'm just confused and wondering what else I can do. ~ Confused

Dear Confused,

You are describing a very complicated situation. Let’s deal with one issue at a time.

First, I’m impressed that you are now trying to go slowly and thoughtfully. It is easy, as you know, to react instead of act—to act out of the emotion of the moment, rather than prayerfully considering the best course of action. So, keep up the good work—go slowly.

Second, you’re allowing God to soften your heart. It would be easy to shift into a negative posture, expecting him to make all the moves for reconciliation. You are wise to consider your role in these marriage problems, and explore a larger perspective than simply the violent incident.