An Unguarded Mouth

This step includes verbal flirtations and taking the relationship beyond theory into reality. Perhaps you begin by offering or responding to personal compliments such as, “You are the perfect match for me” or” When I’m with you, the rest of my life fades away."

Knowing that compliments are like magnets, you begin to form an attraction and create a verbal intimacy that includes whispers, code words, pet names, and intimate secrets.  This can also include flirtatious or sensual/sexual email conversations and instant messages

The next verbal step is to talk about the “what if’s.”  For example, “If I weren’t married, you’d be my soul mate.  “I wish I’d met you before I got married.”  Jake and I used to play this fantasy game: “If we could run away together, where would we go?”

Then the negative words about your current mate begin:

• “My husband treats me like a maid and never compliments me.”
• “My wife just treats me like a paycheck and I’m not attracted to her anymore.”   
• “My wife/husband and I are just roommates and if it weren’t for the kids, I’d have left years ago.”

Solution: Focus on the good things in your marriage and try to compliment your mate at least once a day.  Be aware that any emails or IMs you send are not really private. If you would be ashamed to have your pastor or mother read it, don’t type it.  “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth.” (or keyboard) (Eph 4:29)  

An Unguarded Body

This is the step where emotional adultery becomes physical.  Some people think that only intercourse defines adultery, but I strongly disagree.  If you have intimate, sensual contact, with someone other than your spouse, it is a breach of your marriage vows. Ask yourself, if my actions were photographed, would they condemn me?  

I know how exciting the forbidden kiss is and how electrifying the stolen, passionate caress is but also know how costly they are because I almost lost everything including my marriage.  I walked away from my relationship with Christ as I chose to follow my selfish heart into sin.  But I, like the prodigal son, came to my senses as I ran back to the Lord and He welcomed me home. Then I begged my husband’s forgiveness, broke off all contact with Jake, and rebuilt my marriage. Ron and I now help couples see that no marriage is beyond God’s ability to heal.  For our full story read Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage.  

Solution: If you’ve already crossed the line, stop all contact with the other person, confess your sin, ask for God’s forgiveness, and follow the instruction in Romans 12:1 “Present your bodies as a living sacrifice to God.” Then read and comply with 2 Corinthians 7:1 “Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God”.  

PRAYER: Oh Lord, purify my mind, my heart, my mouth, and my body, I want to be a clean vessel, always ready for your use, available to serve your purposes. Deliver me from evil as I flee temptation and run to the shelter of your outstretched arms. I want to be holy and set apart for you Lord.  Help me to stand strong and bring honor to you and my family. Through the power of Jesus’ name, I ask these things, Amen.

Ron and Nancy C. Anderson conduct seminars and retreats to encourage and equip couples to grow HEDGES around their hearts.  The Andersons have been featured in national media such as Montel Williams, The 700 Club, and FamilyLife Today with Dennis Rainey. For more information about Nancy’s book, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome, or to inquire about Ron and Nancy speaking at your event, their website is: www.RonAndNancyAnderson.com.