Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David will address questions from Crosswalk readers in each weekly column. Submit your question to him at TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

Dear Dr. David,

In the 15 years I've been married, I have prayed for my husband to come back to God. He thinks he doesn't need God. He has been into porn, drinking and death metal music. When I found the porn I told him either come clean or we're done. He first said he would, then in less than a minute he said in a hateful voice, "I will not! I will look at and do whatever I want, and if you don't like it you can leave!”

Needless to say I was shocked, and my pride wanted to say, "I'm out of here,” but in my spirit I knew that was not what my husband really wanted, but what the powers of darkness wanted. I decided the darkness was not going to run out the light. I prayed, battled, and cried, because he had no repentance, and was not committing to work on his problem that he said he did not have. God humbled me and I stayed, and loved him, but let him know I would not tolerate porn. Any time I found anything we were apart for weeks (though in the same house) then I'd give in and love him, but he still did not commit to working on the problem.

After a time of us doing better, I told him that if he started going out to bars again, or got back into porn, we would be done. He said, "I'm still with you aren't I" God had me love him when he didn't deserve it, and I didn't feel like it. My husband has gotten better over this year by leaps, and only by the grace of God that he has not yet acknowledged. We get along great except when I don't agree with him, or something unexpected comes up. He gets very prideful, very ugly, cusses me, and does not apologize, and we don't have any communication for a week or two. Then I'm the one humbling myself to get us close again. He says he loves me...but it's almost like he can't or doesn't know how to say or do the right thing to fix things. I say the root problem is not having his heart submitted to God. He says the problem is me trying to control him, by having B-safe filter on the computer, and blocking some TV channels that are full of lust.

So my question: I am trying to learn the difference between standing my ground, having healthy boundaries, and when is it just pride?  I am being an enabler and saying it's okay for him to be so disrespectful etc. Where do I draw the line?  Thank you so much for your time and may God bless you greatly. ~ Tired of Enabling

Dear Enabling,

Your question is a difficult one. It is so easy to get caught up in a destructive relationship, and it’s often unclear where the craziness is coming from. It’s harder yet to know where, when and how to set healthy boundaries.