• Chinese The bride and groom wear red clothing and serve tea to their parents. In return, the parents give the couple a red envelope filled with cash. Each mother also gives the couple gold jewelry or heir­looms.
• Scottish The newlyweds leave the ceremony to the playing of bag­pipes. Gifts are most often sent beforehand and put on display at the reception.
• Jewish The marriage is arranged through a professional matchmaker who receives a set legal fee or a portion of the dowry. The wedding ceremony ends with the couple drinking wine from a glass, and then the groom steps on the wine glass, breaking it. This act, an expres­sion of sadness at the destruction of the temple in Jerusalem, shows that even at a moment of greatest rejoicing, the couple always places Jerusalem as their highest joy. Another common tradition is that of the chuppah, an embroidered cloth (most often a prayer shawl) suspended on four poles, which represents the home the couple will build together.

What style of wedding do you and your future spouse desire? You need to decide together what traditions you'll want for your wedding. Each of you comes from a different background and has different family ideas and traditions. Consider writing out all the possibilities that are of interest to both of you, and then each of you number your priorities from one to ten, with one being your top priority. Then combine the lists, including as many top preferences as you can.

The confusion in planning usually comes from getting distracted by all the possibilities and discouraged by all the wedding horror stories you've heard. Trying to make sure that none of those horror stories, or even mis­takes, happen to you is the wrong goal. Don't focus on others' disap­pointments; focus on choosing what will please the two of you.

Prioritizing will guide your decisions and may prevent last-minute panic. If you run out of time, it won't be crushing because you will have taken care of the important aspects of your wedding.

Used by permission of Bethany House Publishers.  Used by permission. Unauthorized duplication prohibited.