Spend time together. Know that spending significant amounts of time with your spouse regularly is important because it gives you the opportunity to connect with each other in meaningful and fun ways, strengthening your bond. Realize that if you don’t make spending time together a high priority, you’ll naturally drift apart. Be disciplined about including time with your spouse in your schedule. Aim to have one-on-one time together as often as you can. Take an interest in what your spouse enjoys doing, even when it’s different from what naturally interests you. If your spouse loves a certain activity, give it a try so you all can hopefully do it together. Be willing to compromise on activity choices to be able to spend as much time together as possible. Be creative when thinking of new ideas for activities you and your spouse can enjoy together. Simplify your life to eliminate activities that steal time you could be spending with your spouse (like too much work or TV) and free up time to be together on a regular basis. Every day, try to spend at least 20 to 30 minutes to touch base with each other on what’s going on in your lives. Try to go out on dates each week or every other week.

Use your dates for one of two purposes: either to develop your friendship through fun activities and light conversation, or to deal with one or more issues or problems that have surfaced in your marriage. About every month or two, try to go on an extended date for several hours or a full day. Once or twice a year, plan an overnight, weekend, or week-long date.

Develop genuine friendship. Seek to make your spouse your best friend. Put enough effort into the friendship you share to truly enjoy your time together. Try to make the activities you engage in together exciting. Laugh together. Look forward to spending time together. Make sure you build a friendship that has great depth, where both you and your spouse can fully know each other and be fully known by each other. Ask yourselves: “How deep is our marriage?”, “Have we ever been deeper or shallower?”, “How much of ourselves do we share with each other?”, “What don’t we understand about each other?”, “Is there a topic that’s off-limits in our relationship?”, “Have we kept secrets from each other?”, “Do we keep conversation on the surface, or have we dug further than that?” and “Does one spouse dig more than the other?”

Strive to be more open with your spouse than with anyone else. Support your spouse by being there whenever he or she needs you, and listening well to him or her. Develop strong listening skills by giving your spouse your full attention when he or she speaks, using body language to convey your interest, asking questions, being patient to encourage your spouse to open up, following up later on specific details, and avoiding easy answers or unsolicited advice. Rather than depending too much on your spouse, make sure each of you have some strong same-gender friendships as well. Allow each other time to invest in those friendships, but make sure that your spouse is your absolute best friend.

Value physical attraction. Take care of your body and appearance as a way of respecting both yourself and your spouse. Don’t let your health or hygiene slide, even during periods of high stress. Understand that you don’t need to worry about looking perfect or projecting an unrealistic image (expect your appearance to change in natural ways as you grow older, after you have a baby, etc.), but you should take care of the body you have. Know that putting forth your best effort will help your spouse stay attracted to you, despite the inevitable changes that come through the years. So lose weight, dress nicely, get a haircut, and do whatever else will help you naturally look your best for your spouse. When talking with your spouse about his or her physical appearance, be sensitive and encouraging. Be committed to both staying attractive for your spouse, and staying attracted to your spouse.