Choose to focus on your spouse’s good qualities instead of letting your eyes wander to other people. If you find yourself attracted to someone else, limit your contact with that person. Make your spouse your standard for what’s attractive. Expect that as the love between you and your spouse deepens, you’ll become more attractive to each other over time, since true attractiveness is about the whole person rather than just a certain image.

Chase emotional connectedness. Try to be in a good mood most of the time when you interact with your spouse, but feel free to be honest about how you feel whenever you need to talk to your spouse about something tough you’re going through. Be positive as much as you can (avoiding hurting your spouse when you’re upset), but also create an atmosphere of emotional safety in your marriage so you can talk about issues freely. Give each other space and grace when dealing with emotionally challenging situations. Get to know the values that are important to both you and your spouse, and be willing to compromise to respect a value that matters a lot to your spouse, even if it doesn’t matter much to you. Ask deep questions in conversations with your spouse, to discover his or her feelings about whatever you’re discussing. Pay attention to how various situations affect your spouse emotionally. Listen carefully when your spouse talks about his or her feelings. Support your spouse as you go through life’s emotional journey together, from joy to grief and everything in between.

Guard home harmony. Create an atmosphere of peace in your home. Work to improve your communication skills so you and your spouse can clearly understand what each other says and how to interpret it. Pay attention to using accurate and non-threatening words, listening carefully and respectfully, and using body language and tone of voice well to convey messages. Don’t let unresolved conflict sap the strength of your marriage. Learn how to solve problems and end disagreements calmly and in mutually beneficial ways. Apologize whenever you hurt your spouse, and forgive your spouse when he or she apologizes to you. Express your affection for your spouse regularly through loving words, kind actions, and hugs and kisses. Make your home a welcoming place to which both of you look forward to returning each day.

Build spiritual fusion. Realize that the factor that can make the most profound impact on all the other areas of your marriage is a relationship with Jesus. Expect that the closer you and your spouse each grow to Him, the closer you’ll grow to each other, as well. Invite Jesus to use your marriage as a powerful tool to help both you and your spouse grow into the people He wants you to become. Pray together regularly. Talk together about your spiritual lives often. Read the Bible together and discuss what it means to you. Actively participate in a church together. Instead of relying on just your own limited strength to make your marriage work, rely on the unlimited strength that God provides.

 Dan Seaborn is the founder of Winning At Home, Inc., an organization that produces media resources and host special events to develop marriages and families. He and his wife have four children and live in West Michigan.

Peter Newhouse, Ph.D., is the Winning at Home director of family wellness, providing leadership in the areas of family restoration, marital conflict, and individual family growth and development.