When husbands and wives allow their spouses to open up their deepest feelings and most sensitive history, deep levels of sharing and understanding will happen. "Allowing" means avoiding behaviors that will make you spouse feel that you are responding with punishment for what he or she reveals. It means accepting that the event being communicated happened, or that your spouse genuinely feels as he or she does, even if it breaks your heart to hear it.

There is a crucial difference in disliking what you hear and punishing the person for sharing it.

Punish -- and stop the flow of truth. Live with lies or deceptions. Accept, even when it hurts, and you'll find wonderful intimacy. You may discover that your "silent" spouse suddenly shares in ways you've always hoped for.

To contact Joe Beam: Joe@GiveAndTakeRadio.com.

Joe Beam is a Christian marriage expert who founded Family Dynamics Institute. Family Dynamics provides a seminar for marriages having problems as well as training for those who want to lead marriage-enrichment classes. He authored the best-selling book on marriage, Becoming One: Emotionally, Spiritually and Sexually.