Gazing at bright orange and pink colors streaking across a deepening blue sky at sunset, my husband and I held hands atop a platform on the Eiffel Tower. I thought of the thousands of miles we’d traveled and all the money we’d saved to make this trip to Paris for our 10^th wedding anniversary. We’d set the stage for the most romantic evening possible … yet we still ended up with a disappointing experience

The reason my husband held my hand wasn’t pure affection; it was because he was trying to steady me on my feet as I wobbled precariously close to fainting. Standing in the middle of a huge crowd for several hours waiting in line to board a tiny elevator wasn’t so good for a pregnant woman like me. I felt lightheaded (probably from a lack of food and water, which we’d neglected to bring with us since we thought the wait to reach the top of the tower wouldn’t be long), but there was no space to sit down since people were packed tightly around us. Our 7-year-old daughter whined again, “If we can’t go up, can we just go down?” and we had to tell her yet again that the wait for the descending elevator was just as long.

Yes, we were on the Eiffel Tower – the place of our dreams. But we were trapped and miserable.

It didn’t help when storm clouds moved in and unleashed a torrent of rain on us, soon after we finally reached the top. When the lightning bolts lashed out, we figured we’d better get down fast, since it’s not very wise to stand atop a tall metal tower during a thunderstorm. So, out of desperation, we skipped the long line for the descending elevator and started running down the stairs as fast as we could. My husband and daughter bounded ahead of me, leaving me steaming as I struggled to navigate over the slick steps with my bulging belly. Of course, I was much slower than them, so they soon disappeared from sight and I was on my own.

When I finally arrived at the bottom, I was right in the middle of glowing lights in the City of Light, just as I’d dreamed I someday would be. But suffice it to say that I wasn’t exactly feeling romantic. None of the dreaming, planning, saving, traveling, or any other work we’d done to prepare for our big romantic moment at the Eiffel Tower had actually led to experiencing one.

Each Valentine’s Day, couples work hard to plan the most romantic celebrations they can imagine. They often spend lots of money (U.S. consumers spent about $16.9 billion on Valentine’s Day gifts in 2007, according to the National Retail Federation). But, despite all their efforts, many encounter more disappointment than romance – just like my husband and I did at the Eiffel Tower.

If you’ve been married even a short while, you know that even the best laid plans can go awry. So this Valentine’s Day, take the pressure off. Instead of breaking the bank to buy the most elaborate experience or expensive gift you can, express your love to your spouse in simple ways. No matter what happens on the big day, you and your spouse can nurture a meaningful connection if you focus on each other instead of on the trappings of romance.