It’s not uncommon for the midlife marriage to seem dull and lifeless. But what you're really experiencing is extreme pressure and the need for a vacation! If the midlife couple will commit to hang on, get those kids out of the house and go on a second honeymoon, things might look a whole lot better!

Get educated: Midlife comes with a prepackaged set of obstacles to overcome -- the biggest issue being your age. High blood pressure, rising cholesterol levels, weight gain and diabetes, menopause and the growing need for medications like Premarin, Prozac, Levitra, and Viagra are just a few of the hundreds of physical issues that midlifers could face. But If you get educated and get equipped, what looked like a negative can turn into a positive.  

When Bill and I hit 45, his blood pressure was up and my cholesterol was rising so we took this opportunity to add more personal time into our schedules in the form of “workout dates.” We lost a little weight and gained some much needed romantic time. For our anniversary last year, we bought each other bikes and now we try to ride to romantic spots.

After my brother had a heart attack, he and my sister-in-law began walking 2-4 miles every morning. During this time they pray for each other, their family, and chat about the coming day. It has become one of their most cherished times of the day.

By getting educated, you can create a personalized plan for life and love that will be a win-win for both of you - and that will benefit your entire family.  

Get a new perspective: In our book, Every Marriage is a Fixer Upper, we interviewed couples who have been happily marred over 20 years. What did we find differentiates these couples from others? These couples make a deliberate choice: Instead of looking at all the things that are wrong and frustrating about their mates and life after 40, they instead opt to look at all the things they love and would miss if their mates were no longer around.

Last week, three of us over-40 women -- all married at least 25 years -- were sitting together and talking about midlife and marriage. We each shared how much we’d miss our mate because he had become our best friend in life. I recalled our 25^th  anniversary when Bill and I had a vow renewal ceremony. Our vows sounded very different from the first go-around because we now know what it really takes to keep love alive for a lifetime. “Love is a choice,” I commented.