For over seventeen years his being unfaithful had been inconceivable to me, and though his desire to be free and healed was sincere, his conscious exclusion of pertinent information left just enough for the Enemy to get a handhold. Satan waited for the right moment, grabbed it, and dragged Dave even deeper into the addiction. His addiction had progressed, and he crossed the line from fantasy to reality by being with another woman.

This time, my husband hit bottom. He described how, after this sexual encounter, he felt God had turned His back on him. Loneliness had been a lifelong companion, but this feeling of being estranged from God was darker still. His desperation to be free of his addiction was so great that he was willing to forfeit our now nineteen-year marriage. As he read from his journal, determined now not to omit anything, he confessed every betrayal over the course of our lives together.

Life as I defined it vanished. Reality no longer existed. Dreams died and were buried out of reach. All that remained was one large, black hole with a huge question mark in the middle.

Amazingly void of emotion, all I remember were my legs shaking. As I tried to get my brain to engage, I sensed God setting the guidelines for me. I heard myself speak in a normal tone, like I was listening to a stranger read a list. Shock is God’s wonderful design.

Slowly, the pain seeped in. All I could pray was, “Why?” Still, it was no surprise to God that we were here. He had prepared me for this moment and He was carrying me through it. I knew enough not to make any rash decisions. I waited to hear from God. The first scripture I read was Isaiah 54:5 “The Lord is your husband . . .”

Over the course of the weeks and months that followed, God gently walked me through pain, fear and devastation. It continues to be a slow process, but it’s work worth doing. God showed me a great deal about myself, He even answered the “why.” He allowed the pain of betrayal to refine me and draw me to Himself. It took something major for me to stop trying to be in control. Thankfully, Dave too is doing the work and our family is stronger.

Both Dave and I have addiction and codependency in our backgrounds. I thought the inevitable could be sidestepped simply by avoiding alcohol. Instead of seeing our unhealthy behaviors and working on my own growth, I spent all my energy looking at the outside--looking for the wrong addiction.

Meg is a regular speaker to women’s groups, Bible studies, and conferences. Five years ago she founded the Healing Hearts Ministry to offer help and hope to women whose husbands are caught in the web of sexual addiction. Her book Hope After Betrayel: Healing When Sexual Addiction Invades Your Marriage (Kregel Publishers) was released last year. You can visit her website at www.hopeafterbetrayal.com