There is a saying that says, “Muddy water left alone becomes clear.” It seems that this is true for this man. He has given up the fight and certainly sounds healthier because of it. This doesn't mean we shouldn't work on our problems. But there is wisdom in taking responsibility for that which we can control -- our own actions -- and letting go of that which we should not attempt to control.

If you are like me, you’ve been in relationship/ marriage situations where you make decisions from a state of panic. You’re angry, hurt, wounded and desperately want your mate to act differently. You want to control the situation, and so shift to the one tactic we’ve had in our genes since Adam and Eve: blame.

But, blame doesn’t work. It never has worked. While it may make you feel powerful, tough and self-righteous, it doesn’t help heal.

Understanding works. Empathy works. Objectivity works. Self-reflection and acceptance of responsibility works.  Cooperating with your mate in seeking solutions works.

Relationships are difficult at times. Filled with passion and emotion, it can be extremely hard to make sense out of things. I suggest a beginning place to sort our your marriage and relationship problems: give up blame. Share your hurt with your mate, but give up blame. Share your fragility and fear, but give up blame. Share your panic, but give up blame. Step back, seek Godly counsel, and give up blame. It simply alienates, wounds and is futile in solving problems.

Please let me know what you think about giving up blame. What experiences do you have with blame? What has helped, and what has hurt when it comes to blame?