It’s the understatement of all understatements: Men and women are different! If we tried to get into all the way in which we’re different, we’d need a lot more space than we have in this article, that’s for sure! So instead, we’re going to focus on one area: Sex.

Most of us live with a Golden-Rule mentality in our sex lives: “If I treat my spouse the way I want to be treated, then we’ll be happy and have a fulfilling sex life.” But as you’ve probably discovered, men and women just don’t have the same needs when it comes to sexual intimacy.

And here’s the thing: We’ve found that the problem isn’t that couples don’t know about gender differences. The problem is that even though we recognize the differences – many of us never take the time to study, appreciate, and pursue those differences as being good and worthy. Instead, many couples continue to assume that the wife will respond like a husband, and the husband will respond like a wife.  There’s that Golden-Rule mentality again! If you’ve bought into that line of thinking, let us remind you: That is never going to happen. Period. It’s that simple.

So what should a couple do? Should they resign themselves to experiencing a boring – or nonexistent – sex life? No! We want to encourage you to learn about and appreciate the differences between you and your mate. The truth is, God made us different, but he also made us to be complementary – to balance each other, to fit together, to make us one.

To meet our needs, we have to meet our spouses’ needs. They are ultimately connected. Of course, that’s not to say that men only want the physical and women only want the emotional. Both need both. It’s just that God wired us to get both by coming at it from two distinct ways.

So how did God do that? Let’s get into a little bit of science to show you just how God wired us to be two parts of a satisfying whole. A woman’s hormones make her brain better wired for romance and intimacy. One of those hormones is oxytocin – it’s also known as the “cuddling hormone” because it elicits the need to be close and bond, but not in a sexual way. Well, as you probably guessed, a man’s level of oxytocin is much lower than a woman’s – sometimes ten times lower! In fact, the only time a man’s oxytocin levels approach the same level as a woman’s is directly after sexual intimacy.[i]