Men frequently seem desperate to help their wives understand that their bodies are beautiful just the way they are. At one speaking event, a tall man approached me asking, “When you speak to the ladies, will you deliver a message to all of them, my wife especially?”  

“Sure. What’s on your heart?” I asked.

He replied, “Please tell them that they don’t have to be modest.”  Suddenly his eyes filled with tears, and he explained, “I’ve been trying to tell my wife for eighteen years that she’s beautiful, but she won’t believe me.  She makes me feel like I must be crazy to think she’s sexy, and sometimes I’m tempted to just believe her. But I refuse to do that. I want her to believe me instead. I know what I see when I look at her.  I just want her to feel the same way about herself.”

I fought back my own tears as I sensed this man’s gnawing pain and growing frustration. The truth is, God designed marriage as the setting where husbands and wives could give our bodies to each other, just as we are. When we withdraw physically or emotionally out of insecurity, it can be painful for the other spouse.

Just look to the Bible for God’s plan for marriage. The Song of Songs is filled with vivid, confident language describing the relationship between husband and wife. We don’t actually know exactly what Solomon and his wife looked like, but they perceived the other to be beautiful.

As I delivered the husband’s message anonymously in the next session, I sensed that every female in the crowd wondered if the message was from her own husband. Every woman seemed to acknowledge her own guilt in this matter. 

Are you guilty too? If so, perhaps it’s time to befriend the body image bear, which can do more for your sexual confidence than losing 10 vanity pounds or getting any surgical procedure done. Look into the mirror, appreciate the beauty of what you see, and be proud to share that precious gift freely with your husband.  After all, it’s not your perfectly proportioned assets, but your perfectly confident attitude that floats his boat the most.

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Check out Shannon’s Top 10 Positive Body Image Tactics in Chapter 7 of her new book, The Sexually Confident Wife (Broadway Books, September 2008).

Shannon Ethridge is an inspirational speaker, counselor, and bestselling author. Her previous books include Every Woman's Battle and Every Young Woman's Battle. She lives in East Texas with her husband and their two children.

[i] Found at http://gatewaynet.netscape.compuserve.com/news/package.jsp?name=fte/womenavoidsex/womenavoidsex&floc=GW_home_Thu_04_06