Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. Submit your question to him at: TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

Stability is absolutely mandatory for a child to grow into a healthy adult, and absolutely necessary for us as adults to continue growing to be happy and healthy.

We were not made to thrive in chaos—a continual state of disorder--and yet many seem to think their marriage can survive in a chaotic relationship. It just doesn’t work.

Consider the impact of chaos in marriage:

• Chaos creates unpredictability.
• Chaos creates anxiety.
• Chaos creates distrust.
• Chaos creates uncertainty.
• Chaos creates suspicion.

Now, let’s consider what chaos in marriage doesn’t create:

• Chaos doesn’t create an environment where we learn to trust our mate.
• Chaos doesn’t create an environment where we feel safe.
• Chaos doesn’t create a relationship where we safely share our feelings.
• Chaos doesn’t create a space for us to reflect on our lives.
• Chaos doesn’t create a place for us to nurture ourselves and our mate.

Can you see the immense importance of creating safety and stability in your marriage? Without it you’re likely to feel intense anxiety, uncertainty and confusion. Because you feel trapped in a “fight or flight” response, you cannot focus on growing personally and as a couple.

Let’s reflect on this recent email from a man who struggles with instability and guilt his chaotic lifestyle has on his marriage.

Dear Dr. David. Do you believe that faith can be enough to save a marriage? I am struggling to save my marriage of thirty years, and things have been getting worse all the time.  We have gone to a couple of counseling sessions together, but she does not want to go any more. She says that the ball is in my court. She said to me that if is wasn't for her faith she would be gone.        

I have been a liar for a long time and she doesn't trust me any more. I know that it will take a very long time to get this trust back, if ever. In the past 2 years we have been separated twice, once for 6 weeks where when we talked she forgave me and said we could start new, but then in a few months a couple of lies came out and it started all over again.