The second time was for 6 months and she is not forgetting this time. She doesn't really want to let go of the past right now or doesn't really want it to be anything like the past again. I sort of pushed her into letting me back because I miss my family. I have since got into an AA program but have been sober for 20 years. I have not really been working the program, and have been in a ‘dry drunk.’ Now I’m working the program. I go back to my first question-- do you think our faith will keep us trying?

As we read this man’s story, it is clear he is hoping their faith will be enough to keep them together. Is our faith ever enough to keep our marriage strong, or is the issue a deeper one?

There are several issues that jump out at me.

One, our belief in God must go beyond an intellectual one and into one that transforms our lives. The Apostle James says this:

“What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone?...So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless.” (James 2: 14, 17)

These are strong words—they challenge us to apply scriptural principles into our daily lives. This man must put feet to his faith.

Second, he admits to being a chronic liar and a ‘dry drunk.’ Deception has no place in a relationship and will only serve to create chaos—we know the impact chaos has on a relationship. Being a ‘dry drunk,’ one who is not changing the character patterns accompanying addiction, brings further chaos to a relationship.

As I note in my book Breaking Everyday Addictions, chronic dysfunctional behaviors are difficult to change. They change only by complete faith and intense actions. A little change is not enough, and a little effort—a few counseling sessions—aren’t likely to put a dent in chronic patterns of dysfunctionality.

Finally, we cannot blame his wife for wanting to see change in him before she returns to counseling. Undoubtedly feeling disappointed and discouraged, she has pulled back and is waiting to see what he will do with his life. The ball really is in his court—let’s see what he does with it. Change is possible, but it requires action! Perhaps if he really works his recovery program and participates in ongoing counseling, she will again invest herself in their marriage.

I would love to hear your reaction to this situation and my counsel. Please give us your thoughts.

Read more about The Marriage Recover Center on Dr. David Hawkin's website at www.YourRelationshipDoctor.com.