Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. Submit your question to him at: TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

You have many choices in life: you can choose where you live, where you work, the church you attend, what you eat and what you watch on television. But, you can’t choose your mate’s friends—as much as you might like to do so.

For as much as your mate’s friends impact you, it might be nice to have some say in whom your mate chooses for their friends. But, this is rarely the case. Your mate comes with a family history—and you have no choice about that. They also come with a set of friends—and you have no choice about that either.

What can a person do if they love their mate, but don’t like their mate’s friends? What can you do if you resent the impact your mate’s friends have upon your mate? This was the problem presented to me recently.

Dear Dr. David. I have been dating my boyfriend for the past two years, and we have a fantastic relationship. We enjoy the same activities, share the same values and goals in life, and have a common faith. But, there is one problem we fight about again and again—his friends.

For the life of me, I can’t understand what my boyfriend sees in his friends. They are rougher than he is, tend to be coarse in their language, and don’t have the same goals and values my boyfriend and I have. When I point this out to him, he gets angry. When I show him the negative impact they are having on his life, he gets defensive. This one area of our lives has become the stumbling block to us getting married.

I love my boyfriend very much and like everything about his life, except for his old friends. When I think about our future together, I can’t imagine his friends being a part of it. When he thinks of our future together, he can’t think of it without his friends. There seems to be no point of compromise. Can you help us sort this out? ---Worried About our Future

Dear Worried:

Your letter illustrates an old truth—when we share our lives with someone, we become involved with an entire family, not just a person. As I share in my book, Are You Really Ready for Love?, when dating we don’t just get involved with a person in isolation, but become involved with their past, present and of course, their future.

Several issues jump out at me about your note, worthy of consideration.

First, is it possible you’re making too big of a deal about his friends. Look inside yourself for possible problems before looking at him. For example, do you need to ask for more time from him? Are you not getting the attention you’d like? Discern exactly what is missing for you and then ask for change in the relationship, as opposed to asking him to give up his friends.