Second, you say you have the same values and goals, and yet if you don’t care for your boyfriend’s friends, perhaps there are some areas you’re overlooking. If, indeed your boyfriend has questionable friends, is there something about your boyfriend you’re overlooking? Is it possible he has some of the same character traits as his friends, and you’ve ignored them? If so, step back and take a longer look. Make sure there aren’t some traits in your boyfriend you need to attend to.

Third, criticizing your boyfriend’s friends is never acceptable. You can’t expect your boyfriend to hear your concerns if you approach him in a critical way. These people have been his friends for a long time, and criticizing them will only make your boyfriend defensive.

Fourth, try making friends with his friends. It is unclear from your note as to whether you’ve tried to include his friends in your life. If you haven’t, you’re really painting yourself into a corner. Trying to separate him from his friends will leave you the odd one out. Also, remember, they may be as unsure about you as you are about them. Be inclusive, seeking to discover what he appreciates about his friends.

Finally, step back, take a breath, and talk in a rational way about your concerns. Share your honest feelings, being specific about your concerns. If you’re afraid your boyfriend will act out in certain ways, ask for reassurance that he won’t do so. If you’re afraid he’ll treat you in hurtful ways, share your need for reassurance about that. Seek points of agreement and resolution rather than points of difference. Find ways to allow him his point of view while honoring yours in return.

If you’ve experienced a similar problem, we’d like to hear from you. How did you resolve the problem? What works and what doesn’t work? 

Read more about The Marriage Recover Center on Dr. David Hawkin's website at www.YourRelationshipDoctor.com.