Gain a clear understanding of addictions. Your husband has many addictions, and you must understand how out of control his life is. Please read my book, Breaking Everyday Addictions for a clearer understanding of the challenges your husband faces.

Get support for yourself. You have many layers of problems, and you cannot possibly cope effectively with them on your own. We are not meant to shoulder these kinds of problems alone, and I hope you will find a group such as Codependent’s Anonymous or Celebrate Recovery to find support.

Insist on change. You can’t expect tomorrow to be any different than today unless you take action. Your husband appears to be addicted to alcohol, drugs, online gaming and spending. He is a rageaholic, caught in his own cycle of explosion and raging. He rages because he can! His world is very small, completely engrossed in his addictions. He cannot break free on his own, and it will likely take “hitting the bottom” before he changes—and you can help him hit that bottom.

Explore, in counseling and your support groups, how you enable his addictions. While I have no doubt you are in significant pain, you must decide to stop enabling his destructive and abusive behavior. You must set boundaries on his behavior so his actions do not hurt others, only himself. You are a precious child of God, and His will is never for you to be abused. Taking a stand will not be easy, but it is work you must do.

If you’ve experienced a similar problem, we’d like to hear from you. How did you resolve the problem? What works and what doesn’t work? 

Dr. Hawkins is the director of The Marriage Recovery Center, where he counsels couples in distress. He is the author of over 30 books, including When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You, Love Lost: Living Beyond a Broken Marriage, and Saying It So He'll Listen. His newest books are titled  The Relationship Doctor's Prescription for Healing a Hurting Relationship and  The Relationship Doctor's Prescription for Living Beyond Guilt.  Dr. Hawkins grew up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and lives with his wife on the South Puget Sound where he enjoys sailing, biking, and skiing. He has active practices in two Washington cities.

Read more about The Marriage Recover Center on Dr. David Hawkin's website at www.YourRelationshipDoctor.com.