Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. Submit your question to him at: TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.  

Bad things happen to good people. For as much as we try, relationship problems still happen to the best of people. We can never fully control or manage how our mate will live their life, and let’s face it—how they choose to live their life impacts us. In spite of these difficulties, however, we never have to feel like a victim. We always have choices.

While we can never completely control what comes into our lives, we can choose how we will respond to those circumstances. Even though you cannot control how your mate interacts with you, you can choose how you will respond to your mate.

As we approach the New Year, I want you to feel empowered to have the best year of your life. That requires that you to cast off any tendencies to feel like a victim. A wonderful life requires you to step back, consider your life, and explore how to make it even better—no matter how your mate or family chooses to live their lives.  

Why am I challenging you to become empowered? Why do I remind you that you have choices? Because far too many people slip easily into feeling like victims. They blame their difficulties on others. Feeling mistreated, they decide they must settle for being victimized, demeaned and disrespected. Many believe that being a Christian means having to tolerate verbal abuse, alcoholism, shame and disrespect. They falsely believe their only option is to complain.  

Consider this email from a discouraged woman.

Dear Dr. David. I’m very frustrated with my life. In fact, I hate my life. Even though I’m married to a Christian man, he doesn’t treat me well. He seems to have grown tired of me, and to tell you the truth, I’m kind of tired of him as well as myself. We don’t do anything exciting, haven’t gone out for the evening for years, and he seems addicted to the television.

My life isn’t any more exciting than his. I usually sit and watch television with him and then we go off to bed in separate bedrooms. Our kids are grown and they don’t have much time for us. My husband and I both work, but both of us dislike our jobs. So, you can see that I don’t have much going for myself. I’m discouraged about my life and don’t know where to start to begin to change things. Do you have any suggestions?  ~ Discouraged