Dear Discouraged:

While you sound like you have many things to complain about, complaining isn’t going to change your life. You must take a hard look at what is going wrong in your life and marriage and set out to change them. So, let’s get on with it, okay? Here are a few thoughts for you.

You are responsible for your life. God has given you one wonderful life, and you are a steward of it. What are you going to do with it? If you wait for your husband to make you happy, you might be waiting a long time.

Stop being bored and boring. We often feel bored with our lives, but fail to look carefully at our life to see if we are actually bringing boredom into it. It is our responsibility to be interesting and exciting individuals in our marriage. We can’t expect our mate to provide all the energy to cheer us up.

Take action, one step at a time. Thankfully, even small steps can lead to powerful emotional experiences. One small step can make you feel much better. So, get out a piece of paper and make a list of ten simple changes you will make in your life.

Let the changes start with you. Don’t wait for your husband to take the lead as that may never happen. You want things to be better—go for it! You invite your husband to a movie and dinner out. You begin walking every day to get those feel-good neurotransmitters popping. You take up those piano lessons you discontinued years ago.

Invite your husband into the change process. Once begun, ask your husband to join you in revamping your life. See if he won’t get off the couch to participate in that Bible Study group at church, or that small home group. Your positive emotions will be contagious, as surely as disappointment and discouragement are contagious.

Develop long-term personal and relational goals. In addition to setting immediate goals for invigorating your marriage, ask your husband to join you in setting long-term goals for your marriage. What are changes he’d like to see from you, and what changes would you like to see from him? Get excited about making this next year the best in your marriage.

Follow through. The best-laid plans are worthless without follow through. Agree to review your goals every quarter, prepared to revise, update and re-invigorate. Encourage your husband to take a leadership role, but be prepared to co-own the direction of your marriage. Just do it!