Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David Hawkins, director of the Marriage Recovery Center, will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. Submit your question to: TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

Who of us hasn’t gazed at a starlet or leading man on television or the cover of an entertainment magazine, and wondered what it would be like to be married to them? Even if you haven’t had such flighty dreams, perhaps you’ve been enamored with another couple, idealizing their life and devaluing your own.

Our lives often appear boring or mundane compared to our friends. It is quite common to idealize the lives of others and falsely believe our lives are less. We peer into other’s lives and believe they are better off than we are. This tendency has been summed up by the cliche, “The grass is greener on the other side of the fence.”

I believe it was Erma Bombeck who said, “The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but you still have to mow it.” In other words, other people’s lives may not be as perfect as they appear. We all have problems.  

Of course, it’s one thing to fantasize about someone else’s perceived glamorous life, (usually stretching it far beyond reality!) but quite something else to allow these fantasies to interrupt or jeopardize our life. We first experienced the desire for more in the Garden of Eden, when in spite of having everything they could possibly desire, Eve was tempted by forbidden fruit. The world has never been the same.

The “greener grass” phenomenon was also illustrated by the life of King David. You recall he had an incredible life, filled with power, prestige, glamour -- all the delights one can imagine. Still, it wasn’t enough for him. He wanted what he couldn’t have---the wife of one of his soldiers, Bathsheba. His desires were so overwhelming that he plotted to have her husband killed so he could be with her. While he sought and obtained her, his life crumbled, leading to immeasurable suffering as a result.  

A recent email reminded me of our desire to peer across fences to compare what we have with what others have:

Dear Dr. David:

I thought my husband and I were okay until I started watching a soap opera, and I fell in love with how the leading actor treated his girl. Then I started wishing I was that girl and since then I’ve been really sad because I can see that my marriage is in danger. I now think about divorce and falling in love and getting all that I used to have a long time ago.

I’ve tried to talk to my husband about this problem, which took a lot of courage, and he doesn’t seem to care that our marriage has lost its excitement. This makes me dream all the more of falling in love with someone else.