Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David Hawkins, director of the Marriage Recovery Center, will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. Submit your question t TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

So, you’ve responded to the “wake-up call.” You’ve been a detached, disengaged mate, and your spouse has said you must change or she’s leaving the marriage. You were so caught up in your own world, you honestly had no idea the immense impact you had on your mate.

Now, you recognize your behavior has damaged your marriage, and you’re hoping the damage is not irreparable. You’re hoping you can still save your marriage; that your efforts will be met with a positive response by your mate.

The problem is, how do you know where to start? What exactly do you have to do to save your marriage? The task is daunting, with no clear guidelines. You weren’t clear about what you did to ruin your marriage, and now you have even less of an idea about how to repair it.

It would be easier if your spouse would give you an Instruction Manual titled “How to Repair Your Damaged Marriage,” but of course, that isn’t going to happen. So, you’re left to pick up the hints he or she offers, and attempt to piece together the complaints into some kind of a plan. This feels ineffective at best, hopeless at worst.

A recent email from a man illustrates this problem.

Dear Dr. David:

Last week my wife came up to me out of the blue and said she was leaving. She said she had enough of me being an absent, neglectful husband. I sure didn’t see that coming. After asking what the problems were, I still didn’t see it coming. She went on a half-hour rant about my lack of attention to her and our children. She complained about my being addicted to television and playing with the X Box, and only being available when she yelled.

The bottom line is this. She is ready to leave unless I completely change. Where do I start? I have put away the X Box, but that seems like a drop in the bucket for what she wants. I’m afraid I’m going to lose her if I don’t come up with something fast. Help! ~ X Box Addict

Dear X Box Addict:

Even though you didn’t see this issue coming, it sounds like you have an opportunity to save your marriage. That’s better than a lot of folks who don’t realize a problem until it’s too late. You have time to make repairs. Let’s brainstorm some possibilities.