Three, stabilize your marriage. Stabilize your marriage by refusing to use the D word—“divorce”—reassuring your mate of your love for them, and remembering why you married them in the first place. Practice meeting your mate at their point of need, considering their what they need from you to feel loved. String together one loving action upon another, while refusing to fight.
Finally, with the help of the trained professional, learn to solve problems. Armed with new skills, practice listening to your mate, learning what they need from you. Give to them generously. At the right time, ask for what you need. Practice mutual loving actions, and soon you will notice a positive shift in the emotional tone of your marriage.
Published March 10, 2009
Dr. Hawkins is the director of The Marriage Recovery Center
where he counsels couples in distress. He is the author of over 30 books, including When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You, Love Lost: Living Beyond a Broken Marriage, and Saying It So He'll Listen. His newest books are titled The Relationship Doctor's Prescription for Healing a Hurting Relationship and The Relationship Doctor's Prescription for Living Beyond Guilt. Dr. Hawkins grew up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and lives with his wife on the South Puget Sound where he enjoys sailing, biking, and skiing. He has active practices in two Washington cities.