Fourth, the emotional work ultimately succeeds by invitation and patience. Women who are emotionally intense and volatile should expect a man to withdraw, while an agreement to approach issues cautiously and with equanimity will often bring positive results. Reassure him you will be patient in the emotional work, prepared to take a ‘time out’ if things heat up. 

Fifth, agree to manage the ongoing emotionality in the relationship. Anticipate that things will heat up at times, preparing ahead of time how you will take time outs. Women are usually willing to take ‘time outs’ if given reassurance that hot topics will be addressed at an agreed upon time. When women feel discounted or pushed away, they often feel even more anxiety and press in harder.

Finally, encourage each other as you change these patterns. Notice the progress made as you deal effectively with issues. Notice the positive impact of taking co-responsibility for issues, as well as finding solutions to problems. Thank her for managing her emotional intensity, and offer kudos to him for being willing to talk about touchy topics. Delight in the intimacy that results from keeping the emotional slate clean from issues.  

If you are married to a man who tends to act like an ostrich, burying his head in the sand, I’d like to hear from you. Let me know how these strategies work, or whether you’ve found other strategies for balancing your relationship. Please feel free to email me at TheRelationshipDoctor@Gmail.com or see information about The Marriage Recovery Center on my website.