Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David Hawkins, director of the Marriage Recovery Center, will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. Submit your question to: TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

“You have to forgive him,” the Women’s Bible Group leader emphatically told Susan, a client of mine, who was suffering from memories of her husband’s recent affair.

“But, how do I do that when he hurt me so badly?” she asked the woman.

“God has forgiven you,” the woman persisted, “and it is our obligation to forgive others. Think about how much God has forgiven you.”

The words penetrated Susan’s heart, causing her to feel overwhelming guilt at the resentment she felt toward her husband, Charles. How could she call herself a Christian if she wasn’t able to forgive both her husband and the married woman with whom he had an affair?

Susan sat across from me, her face appearing drawn and pale. I had counseled with her for several weeks about the anger and hurt she felt toward her husband for his infidelity. Beneath her anger, of course, was overwhelming pain. The kind of pain that stole her sleep, caused her to become easily sick to her stomach, and made her even consider harming herself, if only briefly.

While her husband’s affair had only lasted a few months, and he seemed genuinely repentant, still she felt rage toward him and “that other woman.”

“You can’t call her by name?” I asked her once.

“Oh yeah,” Susan said, bolting upright in her chair. “I can call her a lot of names. But, I don’t think you want to hear them.”

Susan contained her venomous anger most of the time, but on occasion she spewed forth hostile, derogatory names toward the woman with whom Charles had the affair. Usually remorseful after venting her anger, still Susan couldn’t seem to let go of the resentment she felt. Her Bible Study leader’s words stung even more. Not only was she not able to forgive her husband, but wasn’t able to forgive the other “woman” either.

Susan expected me to preach at her. She was ready for me to reiterate the importance of forgiveness, and chastise her for her feelings anger and resentment toward the woman who allegedly lured her husband into her bed.

“I’ve worked with too many women, and men,” I told Susan, “who have suffered from unfaithfulness. I’ve worked with people for months who struggle to make sense of infidelity. I’m not going to preach at you about forgiveness—at least not now!”