Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David Hawkins, director of the Marriage Recovery Center, will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. Submit your question to TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

“Look,” Peter said angrily to his wife, Janice. “I told you I’m sorry. What else do you expect from me?”

I watched Janice for her reaction to Peter’s stern words. I could sense her bristle as his words fell short of a sincere apology for his angry outburst a few moments earlier. 

“You just yelled at me for nothing,” she said incredulously. “I’d like to feel like you’re sorry for hurting my feelings.”

“I can’t be responsible for how you take things,” Peter said nonchalantly. “I said I’m sorry and that should be the end to it.”

“Well, it’s not the end to it,” she continued. “You blew up in here like you blow up at home. This is what I live with and I’m tired of it. I’m not at all convinced you’re really sorry. If you were sorry you’d show a godly sorrow.”

“I’m really tired of hearing that phrase,” Peter said. Turning to me, he continued his questioning.

“So, doctor, I’m lost here,” he said with obvious exasperation. “What more do I have to do. What in the world does a ‘godly sorrow’ look like? What am I missing here?”

“I’m glad you asked, Peter,” I said. “Let’s talk about some of the qualities people normally look for in an apology. We can also talk some more about what I think Janice means when she says ‘a godly sorrow.’”

Starting to share my thoughts, I decided it would be better coming from Janice.

“Janice, why don’t you share what you’re looking for from Peter.

“Okay,” she said slowly. “First, I’d like to think that if you’re really sorry your behavior would change. I’d like to think you feel enough sadness for the impact of your anger on me that you would stop blowing up. But, you continue to blow up.”

Peter stared at Janice stoically.

“Second,” she continued, “I’d like to sense you are sorry for hurting me. I’d like to sense that you are remorseful for what your anger does to me. Your anger is killing me. I never know when you’re going to blow up.”

“Okay,” he said, still showing little emotion. “What else?”