Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David Hawkins, director of the Marriage Recovery Center, will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. Submit your question to TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

"I don't know what you expect from me," Tom said hotly.       

"I've ended the relationship," he continued. "I can't do anything about her calling me. I've told her twenty times to leave me alone. I'm starting to get mad at you."

"Mad at me," Tonya said incredulously. "Mad at me? After you've had an affair, you're mad at me?"

"Yeah," Tom said. "You won't leave it alone. I've said ‘I'm sorry' a hundred times, but that's never going to be enough for you."

I was saddened as I watched Tom and Tonya who had been married for ten years with two young children try desperately to put their marriage back together. Both felt violated and betrayed—Tom, from the years of tension prior to his affair and her current acrimony, and Tonya from his affair and reluctance to take drastic steps to protect their fragile marriage.

"What do you expect from me?" Tom continued angrily. "I can't make her quit calling," he said, referring to the woman from the affair who continued to leave him emails and phone messages.

"Yes you can!" Tonya said. "You've got to be willing to do whatever it takes to protect me and our marriage from her. I don't care if it takes a Restraining Order. I want her out of our lives."

Both Tom and Tonya were frustrated, and had called me to help sort out their immense difficulties. On one side of the room sat a man who was clearly guilt-ridden about his affair, yet had shared privately that this was not just a dalliance. He did not want to hurt "her" in his efforts to renew his marriage.

On the other side of the room sat Tonya, a grief-stricken and angry wife, desperate to save her marriage, yet nearing the end of her capacity to cope. Dealing with his affair was horrific, and now listening to one excuse after another was making her ready to bolt.

Caught in a stalemate, Tom wanted Tonya to be patient while he hoped the other woman would fade into the sunset. Yet each passing day brought another e-mail or text message. As I reflected on Tom and Tonya's struggle, I was reminded of another couple I saw recently where the wife had for years written checks for which she had insufficient funds. She had lied about her activities, always covering her tracks, borrowing money from friends and family to make up for the overdraft charges. Upon finding out, her husband demanded her to be accountable for her actions. However, rather than offer to be open about her money and allowing her husband to monitor her spending, she demanded to "not be treated like a child," and manage her own money. She resented his anger, defending her actions.