Having children is one of the most incredible opportunities afforded to us. Scripture tells us that the man (or woman) whose home is filled with children is truly blessed. It was clearly in God's design that we would create homes bustling with children who would ultimately become fantastic adults.

The birth of my two sons were clearly peak experiences in my life. Preparing for Joshua and Tyson's birth, building cribs, and decorating children's rooms were all part of the eager anticipation I felt before their arrival.

Easing into their childhood years was generally delightful. Watching them move from teetering toddlers to tantrum-ing two year olds was exciting, if not a bit challenging. Then came the school years, replete with over-packed backpacks, and after school sports involving hordes of kids moving around the soccer field like a swarm of bees.

Too soon the elementary school years gave way to the awkward junior high years, where a blemish was viewed as a blight, and a rejection was reason for emotional panic. Self-consciousness took on a whole new meaning.

Nothing in these early years, however, prepares a parent for what comes next. No amount of parenting, books of instruction, lecture or warning adequately prepares a parent, or adolescent, for the teenage years.

Can you feel the collective shudder?

Recently I received the following email from a woman, grasping for help with her adolescent daughter.

Dear Dr. David. I've lost my daughter. It's not that she's gone. It just seems like someone has come and taken her away, replacing her with someone who seems constantly angry, irritable, demanding and selfish. She used to be the sweetest girl I'd ever met. We used to be very close. I was always proud of her and valued the time we spent together.

Lately, however, she has become incredibly selfish. She acts like everything my husband and I do for her is owed to her. She feels entitled to everything we give her. If she doesn't get her way, we pay for it with her moods and anger. We feel like we have to tiptoe around her. Of course, when we get angry with her she really gets mad at us. Nothing we do is good enough and we question our parenting. Please give us some advice on how to cope with our daughter, and offer any suggestions on how to get our loving daughter back.

First, fasten your seatbelt. As the airline pilot said, "We're in for a bumpy ride." Knowing this, however, can go a long ways to coping with the rollercoaster ride. Adolescence is a time of transition between childhood and adulthood, and the transition is often tumultuous.

Second, don't take this challenge personally. There are a limited number of things you can do to make the ride smoother—none to make it completely smooth. Adolescents struggle to make sense of their changing bodies, challenging social scene, developing self-concept and refining moral, emotional and spiritual values. It's not all about you.