Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David Hawkins, director of the Marriage Recovery Center, will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. Submit your question to TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

Your wife has left. She told you she's not sure how she feels about you. She loves you but is not "in love with you." Your mind is racing as you struggle to make sense of the whole mess.

"How could this possibly happen?"

"We're Christians, and Christians should never separate or divorce."

"I haven't done anything that bad."

As the days turn into weeks, you move gradually through some of the recognized stages of denial—this truly is happening; begging her to stay (bargaining) hasn't worked; outbursts of anger and attempts to control her have failed; you slip into depression and perhaps even a bit of acceptance.

Still, you have one lingering, nagging thought:

"How can I show her that I've changed?"

This is a question I'm asked all too frequently as women leave marriages at astounding rates. Equipped with increased earning power, training and self-confidence, there are many women who choose not to tolerate dysfunctional marriages, and men scratching their heads at what they can do to show their wives they finally—albeit slowly—"get it."

Once strong and possibly dominant men, they now feel insecure and vulnerable in the face of rejection. Frantic attempts to make their wives stay are often met with a gritty resolve by their spouse not to remain in a troubled marriage. Acts of desperation by men give way to anger, sadness and panic.

That's when I get the phone calls.

"Dr. David. You've got to help me get my wife back. You've got to talk to her to tell her I really am different and that our marriage can be saved. You have to make her see that I'm not the man I used to be. You have to make her see what a mistake she's making. You have to make her see..." And so it goes.

Although I hate to see these men in pain, my response often takes them by surprise.

"Are you really different from when they left?" I ask.

"Absolutely," they reply.

"Really?" I say with suspicion. "They left you four weeks ago, after years of misery, and you're an entirely different person suddenly?"

"Yes," they persist. "I can see the mistakes I made."