• Accept the fact that God alone is the perfect Communicator.  Your marriage will always need His redeeming touch for intimate communication to develop.  And you will never arrive at the place of perfect communication in marriage.

For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil (Psalms 34:15; 1 Peter 3:12).

• Recognize that there will be times of spontaneous communication as well as structured communication in your marriage.  So be sensitive to both.  Grab it when the need bursts into your marriage.  Plan it when you are strung out on life’s pressures.

A person finds joy in giving an apt answer — how good is a timely word (Proverbs 15:23).

The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry (Proverbs 25:11, The Message).

• Beware of the power of your words, both for healing and for hurting.  The goal of good marital communication is “more light than heat.”

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit (Proverbs 18:21).

An anxious heart weighs a person down, but a kind word cheers him up (Proverbs 12:25).

The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit (Proverbs 15:4).

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones (Proverbs 16: 24).

When words are many, sin is not absent, but the one who holds his tongue is wise (Proverbs 10:19).

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12: 18).

• Focus on listening to your mate — really listening — before speaking.  Listen with two sets of ears: to the obvious words of the mouth and the not so obvious words of the heart.

The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil (Proverbs 15:28).

Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue (Proverbs 17:28).

The one who answers before listening — that is his folly and his shame (Proverbs 18:13).

• Look for things for which you can praise your mate — there are more than enough for daily appreciation.  Praise is the daily bread of good marital communication.  Thank God for the gift of your mate.

A man is praised according to his wisdom, but men with warped minds are despised (Proverbs 12:8).