Having a Tongue of Life

At some point or another we have all said these words: “I wish I wouldn’t have said that.” No one wants a tongue of death, especially towards the person that we have pledged our lives to in marriage. So how do we have tongues of life and blessing instead of tongues of death and destruction? Here are some practical steps to consider.

1. Take time to really listen to your spouse.

Let everyone be “quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (James 1:19). The simple fact is that many of our most cutting words are spoken either because we have misunderstood our spouse and are responding in anger, or simply because we do not listen at all and respond in anger. The problem is that we have been quick to speak and slow to listen. This is a fail-proof recipe for a tongue of death. It calls for repentance and sincere prayer for the Lord’s help to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.

2. Be thankful for your spouse.

Having a thankful heart and attitude towards our spouse is one of the most effective means of having a tongue of life, for when we are thankful we will be quick to praise and to thank our spouse and build them up with our words. Having a thankful heart, however, could mean an attitude shift on our part. What often happens in marriage is that we begin to take the positive aspects of our spouses for granted – you know, those aspects that made you want to marry him or her in the first place! – and focus instead upon the negative aspects. Having a thankful heart will mean looking for the good in your spouse, focusing on the ways in which they are a blessing to you, and thanking them for it!

3. Pray for and actively seek out a wise couple.

Find a couple who will model what it means to build your spouse up and encourage him or her. “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20). My wife and I were greatly blessed by the time we spent with Greg and Kimberley early on in our marriage. We were “walking with the wise” and it began to rub off on us. If you do not have a good “marriage mentor” start praying for one today!

© 2003 Christian Family Life