Oh, I know this is hard advice. When someone is pointing the finger at you, making accusations you know are not true, or not wholly true, don’t defend yourself. If you do you will be caught in what has been described as a “shame bind.” In other words, you will end up in a vicious cycle of defend-attack—defend, with no end in sight. Furthermore, you won’t have acknowledged the truth that may be part of the accusation. Next time someone points a finger at you, don’t defend yourself. Instead, seek to understand where that person is coming from and why that are saying what they are saying. 

Dr. David Hawkins is the director of the Marriage Recover Center where he counsels couples in distress. He is the author of over 30 books, including Dealing With the CrazyMakers in Your Life90 Days to a Fantastic Marriage, and When Pleasing Others is Hurting You. Dr. Hawkins grew up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and lives with his wife on the South Puget Sound where he enjoys sailing, biking, and skiing. He has active practices in two Washington cities. You can also find Dr. Hawkins on Facebook and TwitterDr. Hawkins offers a free, 20 minute consultation, with requests sent to his email address at drdavid@marriagerecoverycenter.com. Also, remember his guarantee at The Marriage Recovery Center: 3 Days To A New Marriage, Guaranteed! He is also excited to continue offering his special eBook, A Love Life of Your Dreams free for you to download.