"I can't. Just listen to him breathe."

"That's not him breathing. That's me!"

Gradually, the buffalo lost interest in us and moved on. Forty-five minutes after we had pulled off the road, we were able to start the car and drive through the rest of the park. It is experiences like that which we have shared as a couple or family that provide great memories. Common experiences draw people together.

Professional athletes tell me the hardest part of retirement is that they miss the camaraderie of their team. That unique bond is built through hard training and competition together over months and years. That closeness should be part of every family.

One summer my sons and I went fishing in Washington. We found an incredible waterfall dropping into a beautiful pool. Having fished since I was in the third grade, I knew exactly how to catch the trout in this water. Michael and Greg weren't experienced, but they insisted on preparing their own lines. Greg did everything wrong. His leader was too long and too thick. His hook was too large and his one egg didn't cover it. I had everything just right—a two pound leader, four feet long with a small hook. Although it was difficult, I left the boys and crawled around underneath the waterfall instead of staying at the front part of the pool, where there was no possibility of catching a fish.

I had cast my line and was trying to be perfectly still when I heard Greg screaming. He had hooked a twenty-five to thirty inch steelhead. I, the "expert" fisherman in the family, had only caught one steelhead in my entire life. Greg, with his sloppily rigged line, had done the impossible.

I tried to scramble over to Greg to help him reel in his catch. But the rocks were too slippery, so I tried to coach him. He was screaming and reeling in his line too fast. I tried to tell him to slow down, but he was too excited to listen. When the fish reached the bank and Greg was ready to net it, the hook broke away from the line because he hadn't tied the hook properly. The fish flipped back into the water and swam away. Greg threw his pole up the hill, fell on the ground, and began to sob uncontrollably.

My heart sank for him. We both had visions of mounting this catch. In the years since that experience, Greg has never hooked another fish like it. We still look back and grieve over it, through now we can also see the humor in it.

These experiences, along with many others, did something for us as a family. First, we were together. Being together provides the basis for shared experiences that become precious memories. Second, facing difficulties draws a family much closer together. The memories of being together on vacation when things went wrong or when we shared adventure is what knits the family together.

© Copyright 2005 Smalley Relationship Center