So, what’s a parent to do?

The Bible teaches that wrong behavior is merely the outward manifestation of the real problem, which is the heart: “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34b). A wise parent will reach past the outward behavior and address the issue of the heart, which in the case of whining, is self-control. The Bible also teaches that parents are to bring their children up in the “training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). This requires that we not only correct them for wrong behavior, but that we instruct them in right behavior. Therefore, we must take it a step further than merely telling them not to whine. We must teach them to communicate with self-control.  

Three-Step Plan to Whine-Free Living!

Step One.  Ask your child if he is speaking with a self-controlled voice. You might ask, “Sweetheart, are you asking Mommy for juice with a self-controlled voice?” You might add, “Mommy will never give you what you want when you whine. God wants you to use self-control, even with your voice.”

Step Two.  Explain that it is love that motivates you to train him. You might say, “Honey, I love you too much to allow you to speak foolishly. Here’s what Mommy is going to do to help you learn self-control. You may wear the No Whine Watch, and when the buzzer goes off in three minutes, you may come back and ask for juice the right way.”

Step Three.  Follow through. When the buzzer goes off, have the child come back and ask for juice with a self-controlled voice. It may be necessary to demonstrate the correct way to speak to help your child along. In doing this you are correcting him for wrong, and more important, training him in what is right.

Avoid Power Struggles

If the child refuses to come back and ask the right way, perhaps deciding that he doesn’t want the juice after all, don’t force him to come back when the buzzer goes off, as that can encourage a power struggle. Simply don’t offer the juice and let it go. However, the next time he does ask for juice (or something else) in a whiney voice, repeat steps one through three again. 

Be consistent in training, never give in to whining, and follow through with this plan each and every time an opportunity presents itself, and you’ll have a whine-free life (and a more joyful, self-controlled child) before you know it!     

Ginger Plowman, author of Don’t Make Me Count to Three, Heaven at Home, and No More Whining: Three Easy Steps to Whine-Free Living is the founder of Preparing the Way Ministries for which she speaks at women’s events, parenting conferences and home school conventions across the country.  Visit her website at www.GingerPlowman.com.