And yet, in her darkest days, when Jan’s son was killed by a drunk driver, she clung to God moment by moment to keep from falling into the depression and chemical dependence that had so characterized her mother’s life. It was only because of God’s faithfulness that Jan made it through without resorting to her mother’s negative behaviors.

“It was a long journey,” Jan confesses. “At times I wondered if I would survive. I clung to God with a tenaciousness I hadn’t realized I possessed. Not only did He walk with me, He often carried me. Together, we made it.”

And so did her mother. After living on the streets for years, Jan’s mother finally stumbled into a Salvation Army shelter, where she was loved and accepted—just as she was. When Jan was finally reunited with her mother and saw her interacting with others at the shelter, she was stunned to realize that not only had God loved and accepted her mother unconditionally, but so had these precious brothers and sisters in Christ.

That’s when she began to look in the mirror a bit differently.

“Today, after much healing,” Jan explains, “when I do see glimpses of Mom in the mirror—her smile, her nose—I feel at peace. Mom was a beautiful lady during her prime. I realize now, after years of counseling and allowing our Healer to transform me, that Mom had some good traits. She loved to laugh and had a terrific sense of humor. She died still loving my dad, which demonstrates a good heart.”

As a result, when someone comments that Jan resembles her mother, she can smile and say thank you, knowing she has received a compliment, as well as a great gift from a loving God, who accepted her—and her mother—just as they were.

If you have problems with parental reflections when you look in the mirror, here are some simply steps that Jan suggests to help get past those negative reactions and move on to the point where you can be a healthy parent to your own children:

• Face the truth about your childhood
• Seek godly counseling
• Attend healthy parenting classes
• Forgive your parents and offer them unconditional love with healthy boundaries

Jan Coates, author/speaker/consultant, is the founder and president of www.setfreetoday.com, a ministry where you can come as you are and leave with a new beginning. Her book, Set Free: God’s Healing Power for Abuse Survivors, http://www.setfreetoday.com/books.html, approved by New Life Ministries, Meier Clinics, Christian Recovery Center, and numerous ministries, is now available for individual and small group usage. For more information, please email Jan at mailto:jan@jancoates.com.