Does your teen’s anger issue make you angry, too? When your teen is angry all the time, it is natural to assume it is a direct reflection on your parenting, so it becomes personal. Or, it could be that you feel disrespected and that makes you angry. If you feel anger building up, take a timeout. You may need to get some help yourself, before attempting to deal with your teen’s anger.

You may also feel angry with God for what you see as something He controls, or at the very least should have protected you from. It’s not God’s fault, but it is a human response to blame Him. I tell parents that it is okay to get angry with God. He is a big God, a mighty God. He can take it. But it is not okay to sit in the squalor of that anger and let if fester into bitterness. And it is not okay to take your anger and frustration out on your spouse, your dog, your other children or anyone else.

If you are trying to teach your teen how to deal with anger, lead the way with your own actions. Demonstrate calmness in your own times of frustration and as long as the discussion remains respectful, be sure to hear them out, even if you don’t agree.

Let me repeat this, because it is important. Never allow your teen’s anger to get physical. They need to know there is a line they must never cross, including taking out their anger on you, your pets, your possessions or your home. Demonstrate respect to them, and make sure they know there will be consequences to pay for being disrespectful to you. And always be ready to offer more appropriate and respectful ways for them to deal with their anger, so they know better the next time. Finally, when they do take steps to deal with their anger in more healthy ways, be sure to thank them and congratulate them for acting more mature.

Posted June 26, 2009.

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