"That was the first time my godfather ever spoke to me man to man. It wasn't pleasant being talked to that way, but even then, I realized that this man wasn't threatening me. He was doing what a godparent is supposed to do. He was instilling moral character in me. I had shown disrespect, and he was letting me know that disrespect for parents is a blot on my character.

"My godfather never mentioned that incident again, and we had a great relationship until the day he died. He was a man of character, and he cared enough about me to take me aside and strengthen my character."

6. Encourage kids to be teachable and coachable. Our kids need to be willing learners. No matter how much they think they know, they can always grow and improve.

Since 1968, I have worked alongside some of the legendary coaches of the NBA—Jack Ramsay, Dick Motta, Cotton Fitzsimmons, Gene Shue, Billy Cunningham, Matt Guokas, Chuck Daly, Doc Rivers, Brian Hill, and more. When it's time for the NBA draft in the spring, when all the information has been gathered about the top college players, there is always one question that every one of these coaches has asked without fail: "Can I coach this kid? Will he listen to me?"

If being coachable is so important in pro basketball, how much more important is it that our own young people be teachable and coachable? Here are some suggestions for raising coachable kids:

First, when you teach or coach your kids, be positive. Kids respond to positive coaching, but they resent yelling, shaming, and belittling. If they come to know you as a positive and encouraging parent-coach, they will be more likely to listen and follow your instruction. We sometimes forget how children view the world. If we expect too much of them or treat them harshly, we'll shame them and undermine their confidence.

Second, be a good role model. Your kids are watching every move you make. If they detect hypocrisy in your life, they'll use it as an excuse to disregard what you say. As someone has said, our children will become what we are—so we'd better start becoming what we want them to be.

Third, praise effort, not results. If a child is only affirmed when he succeeds, he'll become fearful of failure. When a child feels affirmed even when he tries and fails, he has more confidence to take risks and go out on a limb for you. So when your child fails, don't let your disappointment show. Always say, "Great effort! Way to hustle! I'm proud of you!"

Fourth, treat your child as a unique personality. Every child is an individual, and the kind of coaching that works with one child may not work with another. Train each child according to his or her unique needs.

7. Be a role model of humility. Let your kids see you serving others. Let them see you asking for directions and not having all the answers. Let them see you reading, listening, and seeking knowledge and wisdom. When you get cut off on the freeway, let them see you responding gently—no honking or obscene gestures. Let your kids see how teachable and coachable you are. Ask them to teach you something they know and you don't.