Say it once and walk away. Give your kids instructions just once, and expect them to obey the first time. Don’t repeat your instructions. Simply say what you need to say once, then walk away. If your kids don’t comply the first time around, enforce a consequence so they’ll learn that you’re serious about having them obey the first time you tell them something. You don’t need to remind, threaten, warn, harass, or coax your kids. You simply have to give them clear instructions once and enforce consequences if they don’t comply.

Empower your kids. Give your kids three crucial things that will empower them to grow strong character: acceptance from you, a sense of belonging in your family, a opportunities to build competence by taking on increased responsibilities.

Encourage instead of praising. Rather than giving your kids praise that isn’t tied to something they actually do, encourage them when you notice specific things they do that you appreciate. While general praise can seem insincere and backfire, specific encouragement will motivate your kids to keep trying their best.

Be consistent and remain positive. Always communicate the same clear set of high expectations, and follow through on the consequences. Ask God to help you stay calm and positive as your kids learn and grow. Celebrate the progress you see!

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known psychologist, radio and television personality, and speaker who has taught and entertained audiences worldwide with his wit and commonsense psychology. He has made house calls for hundreds of radio and television programs, and has also served as a contributing family psychologist to Good Morning America. A bestselling and award-winning author, Dr. Leman has written more than 30 books about marriage and family issues. Dr. Leman and his wife, Sande, live in Tucson, Arizona. They have five children and two grandchildren.